I have decided to do a weekly post where I expose something about myself that you may not know. Or you might know it, I am kind of an open book if you’ve known me for longer than three days, but you could have forgotten! If you have any questions, just throw them in there!
So, let’s start with something from my childhood.
As a small child, I was terrified of nuns. Properly terrified. When I found out that nuns didn’t have to wear their habit at all times, I was in shock. There could be nuns anywhere, just moving amongst us like regular people!
Which sounds terrible, particularly since I’m from Northern Ireland. However, it wasn’t about sectarianism, or even really religion. My fear of nuns was based on three things:
- They were the brides of Christ. As a child I thought that was more than just a fancy title, I imagined them getting ready for bed at night and snitching to their husband Jesus about the nasty little Protestant girl they’d met that day. Then Jesus would be pissed at me – and I was already scared of Jesus because my auntie had told me he watched me when I was on the toilet.
- I knew they had my scent. My friend’s mum used to have nuns over for tea all the time and when I ran into the kitchen to grab a drink or something, they’d call me over and ask, “are you C’s little Protestant friend?” or ‘look, it’s the little Protestant girl from over the road’.
- My friend’s mum was left handed and went to a Catholic school when she was little. The nuns hit her with a ruler so hard that they broke her fingers. This is a story she told us. I had never been hit at that point, and the thought of being hit so hard that I broke a bone terrified me. Obviously, #notallnuns – but I was four and I thought they were some sort of harem for Jesus so I wasn’t great at thinking further than my nose.
Oh, I should add that we never went to church. I was a ‘child of sin’ and the Canon wouldn’t baptise me, so mum said they could stuff religion and we never went back. That meant I was pretty much making up religion in my own head as I went along. You get some odd ideas doing that, you know?