<a href="http://nevertobetold.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/o-ta-moore-1863.jpg"><img src="http://nevertobetold.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/o-ta-moore-1863.jpg" alt="" width="330" height="330" /></a>TA Moore genuinely believed that she was a Cabbage Patch Kid when she was a small child. This was the start of a lifelong attachment to the weird and fantastic. These days she lives in a market town on the Northern Irish coast and her friends have a rule that she can only send them three weird and disturbing links a month (although she still holds that a DIY penis bifurcation guide is interesting, not disturbing).
She believes that adding ‘in space!’ to anything makes it at least 40% cooler, will try to pet pretty much any animal she meets (this includes snakes, excludes bugs), and once lied to her friend that she had climbed all the way up to Tintagel Castle in Cornwall, when actually she’d only gotten to the beach, realized it was really high, and chickened out.
She aspires to being a cynical misanthrope, but is unfortunately held back by a sunny disposition and an inability to be mean to strangers. If TA Moore is mean to you, that means you’re friends now.
Ten Facts about TA Moore
1: I was born on the 12th July and for the first few years of my life thought the annual bonfires, bands, and parades were in honour of my birthday. It was a big disappointment to find out they were actually about something else instead.
2: The last time I miscalculated the maths on the bladder size+liquid intake÷distance to be travelled equation and had to make an emergency stop at the side of the road was 2017. I am not proud of that.
3: If it is a living animal I will make ridiculously squeaky sounds and want to pet it. This includes, but is not limited to, budgies, camels, cats, rats, bats, snakes, that one weird hamster, dogs, and racoons. Basically as long as it isn’t an insect.
4: I have coeliac disease and haven’t had a sausage roll in twenty years. If it is the end of the world the last thing I’ll do is raid a Greggs and stuff myself.
5: At school I was considered the ‘good child’, since when the rest of the class were setting each other’s shoes on fire I wandered off to read a book.
6: I eavesdrop in coffee shops. People are cool. My favourite is the man who dressed like Ebenezer Good necking handfuls of sugar while he waited for his coffee and yelling down his phone about catering.
7: I have never owned a dog as evil as Simon, a black poodle I got for Christmas one year who hated me the way most people hate taxes. Only dog who’s ever bitten me.
8: I have never licked my boss’s cup when I had the cold, however I have worked in a few jobs where I took comfort in the fact I could if I wanted.
9: I am a fairly nice person. This is against my innate inclinations, which are to be a bog troll, and you should all be very grateful to my mum and grandparents for the A+ job they did raising me.
10: I have asthma. Sometimes it makes me look like a right pill since I get this little ‘ahem ahem’ cough. My lungs are just crap though!